I have mentioned many times how I raised my girls on my own from the time my youngest was four months old. But, how did I get there?
I was married to Gary in 1987. We had talked about having kids sometime and although we both turned 29 that year, I didn’t feel the need to rush into having kids. In 1989, Gary’s best friend and his wife had a son and Gary decided it was time for us to have kids. I would have prefered to wait for another year or two, but agreed. I got pregnant fairly quickly and was settling into the idea of having our first child, which was due late in March of 1990.
When I was about eight months pregnant, Gary confessed to me that he was seeing someone else. I was devastated and gave serious consideration to giving up the child for adoption, because I truly believed that two parents would have more success at raising a child than one. Gary said that he and Litsa would raise the child. Well, that was it! I wasn’t about to have that woman raise my child, so I prepared myself for what I expected to be single parenting.
I should point out that although I am pro choice, I could never abort my own child and at eight months along, it wasn’t possible anyway. I just knew myself and if I took one look at the child, I would never be able to let go, so it was either give my baby to Gary and Litsa to raise, or do my best.
It turned out that Litsa dumped Gary, because she was feeling guilty about the whole thing, so Gary stayed with me, and I consoled him over the breakup--I’m such an idiot! Well, time goes on and I’m feeling like I’m walking on eggshells all the time, wondering if Gary will stray again.
In 1991, Gary asks me to have another child. I pondered on that for about three months, because I was never sure that he was going to stay, but motherhood got the better of me and I agreed to have number two, because I really wanted two kids anyway. Well, by the time I was into the second pregnancy, I knew things weren’t right again, although I couldn’t seem to drag it out of him. By the time I went into labor, I debated whether or not to even tell him, or just go and have the child on my own, as I expected to be on my own anyway. Well, I did tell him and he spent the time at the hospital on the phone for work. So, I pretty much had my second on my own.
When Kaitlyn was a week and a half old, Gary had been particularly sharp with Alysse several times that day, so I sat him down and dragged it out of him. He was leaving and I was to raise the girls on my own. He told me that he never loved me and that he thought that having kids would make it better. I have always thought that was more of a female view, but what the heck do I know anyway.
Well, Gary moved out when Kaitlyn was four months old and Alysse was 19 months old, and I have raised the girls on my own. I don’t regret a moment of it! I enjoyed every achievement they ever had and was there to dry every tear. They are my life and although we have been through many challenges together, all three of us are the stronger for it.
So, it seems that although I was talked into becoming a mother and then left to do it all myself, I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I send blessings to every mother out there. Going it alone can be more of a challenge than sharing the load, but we have all done the best that we can. God bless!